Once upon a time, there lived a professional ice-skater named Mint. She was extremely pretty and talented, and she had many fans; mostly guys. They were all very crazy about her, but none were as infatuated as the three enemies Otto, Pita and Pedro.
These three knew each other since kindergarten. In primary school, they had all gone to see Mint perform in Sunway Pyramid. All three of them had fallen in love instantly. Back then, they were only 12; now they were all old enough to do whatever they wanted, and that was exactly what they did.
They bought tickets to see Mint perform. They were extremely excited, because there was to be an autograph/meet and gree session afterwards and they were planning to get theier Mint merchandise signed.
Pedro was first. As Mint signed his Mint pillow, she looked up and smiled at him. Pedro immediately fainted and all the other excited fans queueing up behind him rushed to Mint. Pita was first in line.
"How do you do?" he asked gallantly. "Fine, thank you," Mint said, signing his designer boxers with embroidered ice-skates in mint-green. He also asked her to sign his box of mints and his arm. He was taking too long. The security guard body-slammed him to the ground and the line of obsessed fans reshuffled.
Otto was next in line. He was the slowest and the most annoying of the three. He wanted to get almost all his possessions signed by Mint. He had brought a whole suitcase of things!
Mint's other fans couldn't take it any more, especially Tassels, he was fuming! He wrestled Otto to the ground and kicked his limp, skinny body away to the side. He then faced Mint and pulled out a ring as all the other fans gasped.
Mint smiled. "I knew it," she thought. After all, Tassels was her boyfriend, and she had been waiting for years. "Yes!" she exclaimed.
"What. I just want you to sign it," Tassels mumbled. Mint was feeling horribly embarrassed. She felt so hurt that it was not going to be for her. Her embarrassment quickly turned into anger and extreme jealousy.
Tassels just stared at her blankly while she stood there with her prized pair of skates in her hand. Tassels said, "Aren't you going to sign it for me?!"
Mint couldn't control her feelings any longer. She threw her pair of skates at him with all her strength. Tassels fell back, blood and water streaming from his head. Soon, he was dead.
"Next!!" Mint shouted. The line reshuffled.
Thursday, 28 October 2010
The party tragedy
Dialogue, written by classmates.
--
Leather: How dare you take my lady!
Barrs: Since when was she your lady?!
Leather: Excusssse me! Is it not obvious that Lotus and I are courting?
Lotus: We're courting?
Barrs: Exactly! heh heh heh.
Leather: But didn't you confess to me yesterday night? You gave me the impression that you loved me!
Pedro: Hola amigos! Do you laike my new sombrero?
Leather: Excuse me! we're having a conversation.
Señorita: Hello everyone! I'm finally here! Did you all miss me?
Obviously not! now go away!
Lotus: Hi Señorita.
Leather: Lotus, come away with me, before I lose control of my passionate emotions. I must take my leave and go away from everybody.
Sesame: Señorita! My amour, I've missed you so.
Señorita: Eheeheeheeteehee! Hiiiii.
Lotus: Sesame, stop flirting!
Leather: Lotus, let's go!
Barrs: No Lotus! Come away with me! Let's be together for eternity!
Pedro: Hola! mi amigos! I've got sum fooood! Like tacos, quesadillas and pastaa! HAHA! Olé! Señorita is here! Haiii, heh, heh you look ver-ver-very prettee!
Sesame: Oii! Who're you to steal my Señorita's heart?
Lotus: Everybody, stop fighting! Señorita, let's go freshen up in the powder room.
Señorita: Aww... Sesame, don't cry :) I'll talk to you later? No, I shall not go to the powder room with you; your shouting has hurt me fragile heart :(
Michelle: Barrs!! My Barrs! ♥
Barrs: Oh Michelle! Don't flatter me. But I will never go with you! My heart, my precious heart belongs to Lotus who has stolen my heart and will never give it back!
Leather: Oh will no one hear my plaintive cry for my beloved Lotus? I suppose I should take my leave and go home, where I shall suffer the pain of my emotions all by myself. I bid you all farewell, and adieu. Happy birthday Pedro, I hope you get your birthday wish. Your sombrero is very becoming.
Pedro: Gracias compadre! You are too kind. I know it is. I hope you will come again next year! Hey guys, so how have you enjoyed the party so far?
Sesame: There won't be another next year for you my friend. I'm so sorry that it is I that haveto end things this way but there's nothing I won't do for my amour, Señorita! Nothing! Our friendship ends here, amigo. Now we are no longer friends, take that!
Señorita: Ohhh! Sesame, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 0.0
Barrs: Oh ouch! I'm going home!
Michelle: Ah! No!! Don't go away, my darling! :(
Pedro: My heart! Oh the pain! Take my hand, Señorita! Take it! Taaaaaaaake it!!
Señorita: Oh Pedro! My heart hurts a bit!
Pedro: Te quiem, Señorita! My heart is eternally yours!
Señorita: But it's bleeding...
Sesame: Of course it's bleeding! Muahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!
Leather: Sesame! What's wrong with you?
Lotus: Why are you here again, Leather?
Leather: Oh, um, ah, I forgot-- uh, bye.
Pedro: Adios, amigos, and my dear Señorita. Kisses all 'round. *dies*
Señorita: Oh what a shame. What a sad way to die.
Michelle: Are there any more quesadillas?
Lotus: What?
Señorita: Yes, on the buffet table. Let's go, Michelle.
Sesame: My deed is done. I'll see you tomorrow.
Michelle: *gasp* Lotus, what are you holding? It looks like--
Lotus: A bomb.
FIN.
--
Leather: How dare you take my lady!
Barrs: Since when was she your lady?!
Leather: Excusssse me! Is it not obvious that Lotus and I are courting?
Lotus: We're courting?
Barrs: Exactly! heh heh heh.
Leather: But didn't you confess to me yesterday night? You gave me the impression that you loved me!
Pedro: Hola amigos! Do you laike my new sombrero?
Leather: Excuse me! we're having a conversation.
Señorita: Hello everyone! I'm finally here! Did you all miss me?
Obviously not! now go away!
Lotus: Hi Señorita.
Leather: Lotus, come away with me, before I lose control of my passionate emotions. I must take my leave and go away from everybody.
Sesame: Señorita! My amour, I've missed you so.
Señorita: Eheeheeheeteehee! Hiiiii.
Lotus: Sesame, stop flirting!
Leather: Lotus, let's go!
Barrs: No Lotus! Come away with me! Let's be together for eternity!
Pedro: Hola! mi amigos! I've got sum fooood! Like tacos, quesadillas and pastaa! HAHA! Olé! Señorita is here! Haiii, heh, heh you look ver-ver-very prettee!
Sesame: Oii! Who're you to steal my Señorita's heart?
Lotus: Everybody, stop fighting! Señorita, let's go freshen up in the powder room.
Señorita: Aww... Sesame, don't cry :) I'll talk to you later? No, I shall not go to the powder room with you; your shouting has hurt me fragile heart :(
Michelle: Barrs!! My Barrs! ♥
Barrs: Oh Michelle! Don't flatter me. But I will never go with you! My heart, my precious heart belongs to Lotus who has stolen my heart and will never give it back!
Leather: Oh will no one hear my plaintive cry for my beloved Lotus? I suppose I should take my leave and go home, where I shall suffer the pain of my emotions all by myself. I bid you all farewell, and adieu. Happy birthday Pedro, I hope you get your birthday wish. Your sombrero is very becoming.
Pedro: Gracias compadre! You are too kind. I know it is. I hope you will come again next year! Hey guys, so how have you enjoyed the party so far?
Sesame: There won't be another next year for you my friend. I'm so sorry that it is I that haveto end things this way but there's nothing I won't do for my amour, Señorita! Nothing! Our friendship ends here, amigo. Now we are no longer friends, take that!
Señorita: Ohhh! Sesame, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 0.0
Barrs: Oh ouch! I'm going home!
Michelle: Ah! No!! Don't go away, my darling! :(
Pedro: My heart! Oh the pain! Take my hand, Señorita! Take it! Taaaaaaaake it!!
Señorita: Oh Pedro! My heart hurts a bit!
Pedro: Te quiem, Señorita! My heart is eternally yours!
Señorita: But it's bleeding...
Sesame: Of course it's bleeding! Muahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!
Leather: Sesame! What's wrong with you?
Lotus: Why are you here again, Leather?
Leather: Oh, um, ah, I forgot-- uh, bye.
Pedro: Adios, amigos, and my dear Señorita. Kisses all 'round. *dies*
Señorita: Oh what a shame. What a sad way to die.
Michelle: Are there any more quesadillas?
Lotus: What?
Señorita: Yes, on the buffet table. Let's go, Michelle.
Sesame: My deed is done. I'll see you tomorrow.
Michelle: *gasp* Lotus, what are you holding? It looks like--
Lotus: A bomb.
FIN.
Princes in towers
Story by Alyssa
--
Once upon a time, there lived a lovely young knightess named Butterfly. She was born for a very special purpose. Her mission in life was to save a prince from a tower that was guarded by a dragon.
So when she turned 18, her parents sent her off to a dark grey tower where a prince had been waiting to be rescued.
She set off in the morning, taking along her horse, a lunchbox and a random singing minstrel named Vladimir Montgomery. Her parents sent her off with joyful tears for their beautiful, now grown-up daughter.
Butterfly was fearless. She rode off, confident. When she reached the tower, she took one look at the dragon and laughed, while Vladimir ran away, dropping his vintage banjo in his hurry.
Butterfly took aim and threw her sword at Vladimir, cutting off his right leg. He screamed and fell. "You're supposed to sing!" Butterfly yelled.
Vladimir started to cry out a mournful ballad about lost love. Butterfly nodded in satisfaction and unstrapped her spare sword from her horse. Then she began her ascent up the tower's steel water-pipe.
The dragon spotted her and swooped down in fury. "Hello!" it shrieked, fire spewing from it's ears. Butterfly siped her sword at it but it was too quick.
"Hahahahaha! You shall never defeat me!" it sneered, ripping its t-shirt off. Butterfly groaned. "Nice abs." she muttered, pointing her sword at its pot-belly. The dragon, who was completely immune to understanding modern English, looked at its stomach in surprise.
Butterfly threw her sword and it hit the dragon in its little heart. It fell to the ground with a big bang. Butterfly then continued climbing, calmly and quickly. Soon, she reached the window.
"Hello," Butterfly said. The figure in the tower turned around. Butterfly was shocked. It was the infamous Prince Gio, who had been imprisoned only last year.
Gio fell to his knees, in awe of Butterfly's beauty. "Take me, I'm yours!" he cried, impassioned with the flames of infatuation. Butterfly was not happy. "I am not impressed," she said.
Butterfly turned around, and Gio grabbed her ankles. "No! Don't go! You know I love you! Save me from the wretched tower, fair knight! I have been waiting too long for a rescuer!" Butterfly was disturbed and angry.
She pulled a dagger from her purse and stabbed Gio. She was tired and worn out. SHe jumped out of the tower and grabbed Vladimir's arm.
"Come on. Let's go home," she said. She hopped onto her horse and triumphantly rode off into the sunset.
--
Once upon a time, there lived a lovely young knightess named Butterfly. She was born for a very special purpose. Her mission in life was to save a prince from a tower that was guarded by a dragon.
So when she turned 18, her parents sent her off to a dark grey tower where a prince had been waiting to be rescued.
She set off in the morning, taking along her horse, a lunchbox and a random singing minstrel named Vladimir Montgomery. Her parents sent her off with joyful tears for their beautiful, now grown-up daughter.
Butterfly was fearless. She rode off, confident. When she reached the tower, she took one look at the dragon and laughed, while Vladimir ran away, dropping his vintage banjo in his hurry.
Butterfly took aim and threw her sword at Vladimir, cutting off his right leg. He screamed and fell. "You're supposed to sing!" Butterfly yelled.
Vladimir started to cry out a mournful ballad about lost love. Butterfly nodded in satisfaction and unstrapped her spare sword from her horse. Then she began her ascent up the tower's steel water-pipe.
The dragon spotted her and swooped down in fury. "Hello!" it shrieked, fire spewing from it's ears. Butterfly siped her sword at it but it was too quick.
"Hahahahaha! You shall never defeat me!" it sneered, ripping its t-shirt off. Butterfly groaned. "Nice abs." she muttered, pointing her sword at its pot-belly. The dragon, who was completely immune to understanding modern English, looked at its stomach in surprise.
Butterfly threw her sword and it hit the dragon in its little heart. It fell to the ground with a big bang. Butterfly then continued climbing, calmly and quickly. Soon, she reached the window.
"Hello," Butterfly said. The figure in the tower turned around. Butterfly was shocked. It was the infamous Prince Gio, who had been imprisoned only last year.
Gio fell to his knees, in awe of Butterfly's beauty. "Take me, I'm yours!" he cried, impassioned with the flames of infatuation. Butterfly was not happy. "I am not impressed," she said.
Butterfly turned around, and Gio grabbed her ankles. "No! Don't go! You know I love you! Save me from the wretched tower, fair knight! I have been waiting too long for a rescuer!" Butterfly was disturbed and angry.
She pulled a dagger from her purse and stabbed Gio. She was tired and worn out. SHe jumped out of the tower and grabbed Vladimir's arm.
"Come on. Let's go home," she said. She hopped onto her horse and triumphantly rode off into the sunset.
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
The weightlifter and the b-boy
A word-by-word turned into sentence-by-sentence turned into paragraph-by-paragraph story.
--
Once there was a girl named Tulip. She was the daintiest weightlifter in the village. Many young carpenters were dying to be married to her. She was, unfortunately, indifferent and oblivious to their cheesy declarations of love.
One morning, a little mouse came into Tulip's gym. "Ooooh!!" she screamed, jumping onto her treadmill. Suddenly, the door burst open. It slammed shut when she screamed again. Tulip ran straight to the door and peeked outside. There stood Dong, looking very embarrassed.
"Hello," Tulip said, as she stepped outside slowly. Dong was mesmerised by her arm muscles and pretty eyes. "Good m-moring, m-miss T-T-Tulip. I-I came because I heard t-that scream coming for your um, er, lovely, um, l-lips. Er, are you all right?" asked Dong.
"Um, I, yeah I'm okay." Tulip replied, blushing. Dong smiled and nodded. He felt nice and warm on the inside. Tulip was so enamoured by Dong. She blushed and turned to walk away.
"Wait!" Dong said, catching her polyester sleeve. "Dong, I really have to go now." Tulip said and quickly ran away as Dong let go of her sleeve. His heart sank.
That night, Dong could not sleep. All he could do was think about Tulip and her lovely, dainty muscles. Tulip dreamt about Dong that night. She dreamt that she was falling, and she was afraid, but Dong caught her in his skinny-but-cute arms.
When she woke up the next morning, she felt confused. She had never had a crush on anybody before. She felt a big, jumbled mix of emotions; she felt so weird. "I have to see him again," she said to herself.
She got ready and went downstairs to have some breakfast. A health shake, 6 eggs and a little bit of toast soon energised her.
Weightlifting time! She held a 30 pound dumbell with her left hand and flexed while painting her toenails Coral Pink with her right hand.
While she flexed her right, she brushed her hair. Next she did 250 sit-ups while singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" in four different keys. After that, she jogged on the treadmill for 20 minutes, all without sweating!! Because after all, sweating wasn't ladylike.
Tulip then hopped into a bubbled bath, even though she wasn't a bit stinky or sweaty. Mmmmm, she smelled so good that she began to dream of Dong again, with his gorgeous smelling pretty boy cologne. She decided to look for him after her bath.
Meanwhile, DOng was in his bathtub, soaking in lavender oils he decided to meet Tulip after his bath. He remembered Tulip's pretty blushing face and sighed happily.
Tulip and Dong met later at the park. Dong was wearing skinny jeans and stripy, tight, hot-pink muscle tee. Tulip was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a tank top.
Dong thought Tulip looked so hot. His heart was pounding, his mouth was drooling. Tulip fell in love when she saw Dong in his hot pink tee. He was such a pretty, pretty boy.
Dong and Tulip talked for a while and later went to the cafe for a nice, healthy lunch. Suddenly, a large group of screaming fangirls appeared and pulled on Dong's shirt until it tore.
When Tulip came running to Dong, the squealing girls all tried to push her away.
"He's mine!"
"Stay away!"
"Marry me Dong!"
The fangirls screamed crazily. "Stop it!" Dong yelled. He tried to grab Tulip's outstretched hand but there were too many girls trying to kiss him. Dong managed to grab Tulip's arm before one of the girls tried to trip her, but even then the fangirls were able to tear the two lovers apart.
The next day, Dong ran up to Tulip's room to apologise about the day before. He looked through a window and saw Tulip doing push-ups on the tables. Tulip saw him looking and hopped off the table. Tulip was blushing prettily when she opened to the door for Dong, who was grinning in admiration.
Dong grabbed Tulip's hand and they both ran to get Dong's boat. They were running away together because they wanted to be together without people wanting them apart.
While they were running to the lake where Dong's boat was, the gardener, Vladimir, shouted, "Tulip! You look so beautiful today!"
"You look absolutely gorgeous today Tulip!" A random passerby named M&M cried out, blushing because he was embarrassed to be in the presence of such a pretty and muscular female.
Tulip and Dong grinned at one another and kept on running. "We're gonna make it!" Dong sang, busting out a b-boy move. He tripped on a stone and fell.
"Uh oh! People are catching up with us!" Tulip screamed, picking Dong up and carrying him on her shoulders like a sack of potatoes.
When they reached the boat, they hurried to get oars. Tulip and Dong then rowed for their love lives. They rowed and rowed till evening; somehow the lake seemed so big. Soon they came to a big cave that was brightly lit with open flames.
They got off the boat and walked into the cave when Bubbles appeared, waving and trying to get Dong's attention. She was literally Dong's number one fan and she wanted to marry him.
She had been planning to kill Tulip ever since the incident at the café, but Dong and Tulip hadn't noticed her, they were too busy staring into each other's eyes and smiling the smile that only lovers can hold in their blushing faces.
Bubbles saw Tulip walking into the cave. "Perfect! Now is my chance to have what I want!" Bubbles whispered loudly. She didn't see Dong going into the cavewhen she dropped in a few cans of hairspray. "Die, woman, DIE!" she shrieked, pumping her fists.
Bubbles jumped down from the top of the cave and watched as Tulip screamed and tried to get out of the fire. Suddenly, Bubbles noticed the tip of Dong's latest hairstyle. He was in the burning cave with Tulip!
"Oh, my husband!" Bubbles screamed, running towards the mouth of the cave. Her bright sparkly orange stilettos got stuck in the cracks in the ground and she fell on her face.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" she screamed, as the cave exploded into a trillion billion million tiny little pieces. Bubbles got up and searched the burning rubble for something; anything, but there was nothing. Not even a spare eyeball or dyed hair.
Bubbles sighed sadly and flopped onto the ground. Tears poured from her eyes and turned into dew on the ground. As Bubbles breathed her last, the dew slowly turned into graceful bubbles that floated off into the sunset.
--
Once there was a girl named Tulip. She was the daintiest weightlifter in the village. Many young carpenters were dying to be married to her. She was, unfortunately, indifferent and oblivious to their cheesy declarations of love.
One morning, a little mouse came into Tulip's gym. "Ooooh!!" she screamed, jumping onto her treadmill. Suddenly, the door burst open. It slammed shut when she screamed again. Tulip ran straight to the door and peeked outside. There stood Dong, looking very embarrassed.
"Hello," Tulip said, as she stepped outside slowly. Dong was mesmerised by her arm muscles and pretty eyes. "Good m-moring, m-miss T-T-Tulip. I-I came because I heard t-that scream coming for your um, er, lovely, um, l-lips. Er, are you all right?" asked Dong.
"Um, I, yeah I'm okay." Tulip replied, blushing. Dong smiled and nodded. He felt nice and warm on the inside. Tulip was so enamoured by Dong. She blushed and turned to walk away.
"Wait!" Dong said, catching her polyester sleeve. "Dong, I really have to go now." Tulip said and quickly ran away as Dong let go of her sleeve. His heart sank.
That night, Dong could not sleep. All he could do was think about Tulip and her lovely, dainty muscles. Tulip dreamt about Dong that night. She dreamt that she was falling, and she was afraid, but Dong caught her in his skinny-but-cute arms.
When she woke up the next morning, she felt confused. She had never had a crush on anybody before. She felt a big, jumbled mix of emotions; she felt so weird. "I have to see him again," she said to herself.
She got ready and went downstairs to have some breakfast. A health shake, 6 eggs and a little bit of toast soon energised her.
Weightlifting time! She held a 30 pound dumbell with her left hand and flexed while painting her toenails Coral Pink with her right hand.
While she flexed her right, she brushed her hair. Next she did 250 sit-ups while singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" in four different keys. After that, she jogged on the treadmill for 20 minutes, all without sweating!! Because after all, sweating wasn't ladylike.
Tulip then hopped into a bubbled bath, even though she wasn't a bit stinky or sweaty. Mmmmm, she smelled so good that she began to dream of Dong again, with his gorgeous smelling pretty boy cologne. She decided to look for him after her bath.
Meanwhile, DOng was in his bathtub, soaking in lavender oils he decided to meet Tulip after his bath. He remembered Tulip's pretty blushing face and sighed happily.
Tulip and Dong met later at the park. Dong was wearing skinny jeans and stripy, tight, hot-pink muscle tee. Tulip was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a tank top.
Dong thought Tulip looked so hot. His heart was pounding, his mouth was drooling. Tulip fell in love when she saw Dong in his hot pink tee. He was such a pretty, pretty boy.
Dong and Tulip talked for a while and later went to the cafe for a nice, healthy lunch. Suddenly, a large group of screaming fangirls appeared and pulled on Dong's shirt until it tore.
When Tulip came running to Dong, the squealing girls all tried to push her away.
"He's mine!"
"Stay away!"
"Marry me Dong!"
The fangirls screamed crazily. "Stop it!" Dong yelled. He tried to grab Tulip's outstretched hand but there were too many girls trying to kiss him. Dong managed to grab Tulip's arm before one of the girls tried to trip her, but even then the fangirls were able to tear the two lovers apart.
The next day, Dong ran up to Tulip's room to apologise about the day before. He looked through a window and saw Tulip doing push-ups on the tables. Tulip saw him looking and hopped off the table. Tulip was blushing prettily when she opened to the door for Dong, who was grinning in admiration.
Dong grabbed Tulip's hand and they both ran to get Dong's boat. They were running away together because they wanted to be together without people wanting them apart.
While they were running to the lake where Dong's boat was, the gardener, Vladimir, shouted, "Tulip! You look so beautiful today!"
"You look absolutely gorgeous today Tulip!" A random passerby named M&M cried out, blushing because he was embarrassed to be in the presence of such a pretty and muscular female.
Tulip and Dong grinned at one another and kept on running. "We're gonna make it!" Dong sang, busting out a b-boy move. He tripped on a stone and fell.
"Uh oh! People are catching up with us!" Tulip screamed, picking Dong up and carrying him on her shoulders like a sack of potatoes.
When they reached the boat, they hurried to get oars. Tulip and Dong then rowed for their love lives. They rowed and rowed till evening; somehow the lake seemed so big. Soon they came to a big cave that was brightly lit with open flames.
They got off the boat and walked into the cave when Bubbles appeared, waving and trying to get Dong's attention. She was literally Dong's number one fan and she wanted to marry him.
She had been planning to kill Tulip ever since the incident at the café, but Dong and Tulip hadn't noticed her, they were too busy staring into each other's eyes and smiling the smile that only lovers can hold in their blushing faces.
Bubbles saw Tulip walking into the cave. "Perfect! Now is my chance to have what I want!" Bubbles whispered loudly. She didn't see Dong going into the cavewhen she dropped in a few cans of hairspray. "Die, woman, DIE!" she shrieked, pumping her fists.
Bubbles jumped down from the top of the cave and watched as Tulip screamed and tried to get out of the fire. Suddenly, Bubbles noticed the tip of Dong's latest hairstyle. He was in the burning cave with Tulip!
"Oh, my husband!" Bubbles screamed, running towards the mouth of the cave. Her bright sparkly orange stilettos got stuck in the cracks in the ground and she fell on her face.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" she screamed, as the cave exploded into a trillion billion million tiny little pieces. Bubbles got up and searched the burning rubble for something; anything, but there was nothing. Not even a spare eyeball or dyed hair.
Bubbles sighed sadly and flopped onto the ground. Tears poured from her eyes and turned into dew on the ground. As Bubbles breathed her last, the dew slowly turned into graceful bubbles that floated off into the sunset.
Lotus and Leather
Guest story by Elliot!
--
A long time ago, in a land far away, the city of Asparagus lay wreathed in the early morning mist. Lotus woke up. Today was her big day! The day she would be fed to the dragon. She was so excited.
She dressed quickly in her nicest clothes and set off for the dragon's lair. She stood at the entrance of the dark, dark cave. "Hello? Mr. Dragon? It's me! I'm your sacrifice this month! Won't you come and eat me?"
The dragon lumbered out of the cave. "Why would I eat you?" the dragon asked. "You don't have that which I want most. You are an orphan! Your parents are dead and you hold no love for your grandmother. You love no one and are unloved. Why would I eat you?"
Lotus stood stock still. "Eat me!" she cried. "You are right! I'm so worthless, I can't even make Maggi Mee."
"Nah," said the dragon, "I can't eat too much junk food. Mother says I'm getting fat." It went back into the cave.
"What!?" Lotus yelled. "Oh! Oh! Fine! Bee that way! I'll just sit here until you do!"
"No I won't!"
Lotus sat down and began to weep. She would never meet her parents at this rate. If only grandmother cared about her.
"Lotus? Is that you?"
She whirled around. "Leather? On thank God you're here, that stupid dragon's been taunting me all day."
"Dragon, oh, yes." Lotus noticed his unusually ashen face. "Um, I'll go take care of it."
Leather inched his shaking knees into the cave. Lotus watch him with disdain. She snuck up behind him.
"Boo!"
He jumped a foot in the air and swung his sword around wildly. Lotus laughed. "You're not a very good knight, are you?"
"Not yet," he said, "but I will be, after I slay this dragon! They're always laughing at me, the other knights. Singing songs. 'Leather, Leather like a feather.' " he shuddered.
"Well, you can't kill the dragon until he eats me, okay?"
"Eats you!?" Leather said. "I can't let that happen to you!"
"But I have no reason to live!"
"But I love you!"
"Ah, true love, albeit one-sided." said the dragon.
The two humans screamed. Leather swung his sword. "Ow, my grey matter!" said the dragon as he died.
"Did you really mean it?" asked Lotus. "When you said you loved me?"
"Yes, Lotus."
"Awwwww."
They held hands.
--
A long time ago, in a land far away, the city of Asparagus lay wreathed in the early morning mist. Lotus woke up. Today was her big day! The day she would be fed to the dragon. She was so excited.
She dressed quickly in her nicest clothes and set off for the dragon's lair. She stood at the entrance of the dark, dark cave. "Hello? Mr. Dragon? It's me! I'm your sacrifice this month! Won't you come and eat me?"
The dragon lumbered out of the cave. "Why would I eat you?" the dragon asked. "You don't have that which I want most. You are an orphan! Your parents are dead and you hold no love for your grandmother. You love no one and are unloved. Why would I eat you?"
Lotus stood stock still. "Eat me!" she cried. "You are right! I'm so worthless, I can't even make Maggi Mee."
"Nah," said the dragon, "I can't eat too much junk food. Mother says I'm getting fat." It went back into the cave.
"What!?" Lotus yelled. "Oh! Oh! Fine! Bee that way! I'll just sit here until you do!"
"No I won't!"
Lotus sat down and began to weep. She would never meet her parents at this rate. If only grandmother cared about her.
"Lotus? Is that you?"
She whirled around. "Leather? On thank God you're here, that stupid dragon's been taunting me all day."
"Dragon, oh, yes." Lotus noticed his unusually ashen face. "Um, I'll go take care of it."
Leather inched his shaking knees into the cave. Lotus watch him with disdain. She snuck up behind him.
"Boo!"
He jumped a foot in the air and swung his sword around wildly. Lotus laughed. "You're not a very good knight, are you?"
"Not yet," he said, "but I will be, after I slay this dragon! They're always laughing at me, the other knights. Singing songs. 'Leather, Leather like a feather.' " he shuddered.
"Well, you can't kill the dragon until he eats me, okay?"
"Eats you!?" Leather said. "I can't let that happen to you!"
"But I have no reason to live!"
"But I love you!"
"Ah, true love, albeit one-sided." said the dragon.
The two humans screamed. Leather swung his sword. "Ow, my grey matter!" said the dragon as he died.
"Did you really mean it?" asked Lotus. "When you said you loved me?"
"Yes, Lotus."
"Awwwww."
They held hands.
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Palace romance
Once there was a lonely boy named Hops. He served Queen Peanut as a footstool. Ever since he was young, he had been serving in her court. He was just a baby when evil Queen Peanut had abducted him from Scraemia.
So he grew up in the Queen's court, singing to keep himself company. Hops' favourite singer was Justin Bieber. He dreamed of fame and beauty and the lovely Princess Pocky.
Princess Pocky was born when Hops was just three years old. She was the most beautiful and tanned maiden in all the land. Hops had been admiring her from afar while she was fulfillingher daily princess-ly duties in the large, white palace.
One day, the Queen declared that Princess Pocky was now eligible for dating! 17-year-old Hops was overjoyed! He hopped into his bathtub to have a good scrub before meeting her royal highness, Queen Peanut, to ask for permission to take her charming daughter out on a date.
When Hops arrived before the Queen, he saw many other princes waiting to speak to Queen Peanut. The princes were standing in a line in front of the throne.
As Hops ran to join the line, he glanced at the prince beside him. It was Prince Vladimir Montgomery, the proud Russian heir to the throne.
Queen Peanut decided to test each of their skills. She ordered her servants to to prepare super well-done beef steaks while she briefed the princes about her daughters likes and dislikes.
Once they were well informed about exactly which shade of turquoise and lilac Princess Pocky preferred, and how many chocolate chips would be on top of a cookie served to her, among other things, they were ushered to the dining room.
Prince Thonk of Slumberland, who fell asleep during the Queen's lengthy briefing session, was plonked into a carriage to be sent back to his home town.
The remaining 8 princes and Hops were instructed to cut the tough steak into little squares, measuring 2cm by 3cm. This was to ensure that Princess Pocky could eat her steak with ease. The princes who did not succeed were kicked out of the palace.
There were now only 4 princes and Hops left. The next test was to see whether they could multi-task. They were instructed by Queen Peanut to row a kayak in a heart shaped path in the water, while snapping his fingers and ALSO while singing "Baby" by Justin Bieber (this was Princess Pocky's favourite song).
The four princes, Vladimir Montgomery of Russia, Jon Amadeus Ludwig of Plutomia, Bum Twister Gumdrop of Candyland, Dingdong Selbstklebend of Kedah and Hops were allocated a kayak each, then they were briefed again on the instructions and the rules. The rules were:
Prince Bum got the lyrics of "Baby" wrong and panicked. He tipped his own kayak over and drowned. Prince Vladimir and Hops were left. Queen Peanut assigned one last task, and this would determine who could take Princess Pocky out on a date.
Queen Peanut threw them each a sketchbook and told them to draw Princess Pocky. Unfortunately, poor prince Vladimir Montgomery did not know how the Princess' hair looked like. He drew a bad hairstyle, and so, Queen Peanut arranged for him to be sent back to Russia.
Hops tried to hide his happiness and excitement when Queen Peanut announced him as the winner. Princess Pocky then arrived in a white lace dress, tied at the waist with a shimmering crimson ribbon. She looked amazing. Hops felt faint at the sight of her.
Princess Pocky was not told of this competition, so as not to spoil the surprise. When her mother finally told her about Hops winning the competition, a look of disgust appeared on her face.
The ear-to-ear girn on Hops' face turned into a sad frown. The princess glanced at him and walked away, her skirt swishing beneath her. As she left the hall, Queen Peanut looked at Hops and whispered, "I'm sorry."
Tears fell on Hops' cheeks as he ran to meet Princess Pocky. She was in the garden. The Princess ran away when she saw Hops coming.
By now, Hops felt like her could explode. He was burning with anger and fury as he stomped up the stars to her room. Hops had often replaced her toilet paper when her personal servant was away. This was how he knew where her room was, in the 821-room palace.
When Princess Pocky came into the room and stood by her window to admire the scenery outside, Hops crept up from behind. Princess Pocky could see a faint reflection in the window glass.
When she turned to see who it was, Hops grabbed her neck. He tightened his grip when the Princess started to struggle. Hops leaned over and whispered in her ear, "If I can't have you, no. one. shall." With that, Princess Pocky let out a soft groan and died.
Hops dropped her onto the ground without feeling any sort of guilt or sadness. He kicked her limp body and laughed, a bitter, hollow laugh. "I love you Pocky," he said. "Too bad you're dead." Hops turned away and ran out of the palace.
He whistled and a gigantic squirrel came. He jumped onto its back and it hopped away into the sunset.
So he grew up in the Queen's court, singing to keep himself company. Hops' favourite singer was Justin Bieber. He dreamed of fame and beauty and the lovely Princess Pocky.
Princess Pocky was born when Hops was just three years old. She was the most beautiful and tanned maiden in all the land. Hops had been admiring her from afar while she was fulfillingher daily princess-ly duties in the large, white palace.
One day, the Queen declared that Princess Pocky was now eligible for dating! 17-year-old Hops was overjoyed! He hopped into his bathtub to have a good scrub before meeting her royal highness, Queen Peanut, to ask for permission to take her charming daughter out on a date.
When Hops arrived before the Queen, he saw many other princes waiting to speak to Queen Peanut. The princes were standing in a line in front of the throne.
As Hops ran to join the line, he glanced at the prince beside him. It was Prince Vladimir Montgomery, the proud Russian heir to the throne.
Queen Peanut decided to test each of their skills. She ordered her servants to to prepare super well-done beef steaks while she briefed the princes about her daughters likes and dislikes.
Once they were well informed about exactly which shade of turquoise and lilac Princess Pocky preferred, and how many chocolate chips would be on top of a cookie served to her, among other things, they were ushered to the dining room.
Prince Thonk of Slumberland, who fell asleep during the Queen's lengthy briefing session, was plonked into a carriage to be sent back to his home town.
The remaining 8 princes and Hops were instructed to cut the tough steak into little squares, measuring 2cm by 3cm. This was to ensure that Princess Pocky could eat her steak with ease. The princes who did not succeed were kicked out of the palace.
There were now only 4 princes and Hops left. The next test was to see whether they could multi-task. They were instructed by Queen Peanut to row a kayak in a heart shaped path in the water, while snapping his fingers and ALSO while singing "Baby" by Justin Bieber (this was Princess Pocky's favourite song).
The four princes, Vladimir Montgomery of Russia, Jon Amadeus Ludwig of Plutomia, Bum Twister Gumdrop of Candyland, Dingdong Selbstklebend of Kedah and Hops were allocated a kayak each, then they were briefed again on the instructions and the rules. The rules were:
- Do not snap your fingers according to the beat of the song.
- Do not slouch while rowing.
- Do not fall out of the kayak.
- Do row your kayak in a constant heart-shape.
- Do sing in time and get all lyrics correct.
Prince Bum got the lyrics of "Baby" wrong and panicked. He tipped his own kayak over and drowned. Prince Vladimir and Hops were left. Queen Peanut assigned one last task, and this would determine who could take Princess Pocky out on a date.
Queen Peanut threw them each a sketchbook and told them to draw Princess Pocky. Unfortunately, poor prince Vladimir Montgomery did not know how the Princess' hair looked like. He drew a bad hairstyle, and so, Queen Peanut arranged for him to be sent back to Russia.
Hops tried to hide his happiness and excitement when Queen Peanut announced him as the winner. Princess Pocky then arrived in a white lace dress, tied at the waist with a shimmering crimson ribbon. She looked amazing. Hops felt faint at the sight of her.
Princess Pocky was not told of this competition, so as not to spoil the surprise. When her mother finally told her about Hops winning the competition, a look of disgust appeared on her face.
The ear-to-ear girn on Hops' face turned into a sad frown. The princess glanced at him and walked away, her skirt swishing beneath her. As she left the hall, Queen Peanut looked at Hops and whispered, "I'm sorry."
Tears fell on Hops' cheeks as he ran to meet Princess Pocky. She was in the garden. The Princess ran away when she saw Hops coming.
By now, Hops felt like her could explode. He was burning with anger and fury as he stomped up the stars to her room. Hops had often replaced her toilet paper when her personal servant was away. This was how he knew where her room was, in the 821-room palace.
When Princess Pocky came into the room and stood by her window to admire the scenery outside, Hops crept up from behind. Princess Pocky could see a faint reflection in the window glass.
When she turned to see who it was, Hops grabbed her neck. He tightened his grip when the Princess started to struggle. Hops leaned over and whispered in her ear, "If I can't have you, no. one. shall." With that, Princess Pocky let out a soft groan and died.
Hops dropped her onto the ground without feeling any sort of guilt or sadness. He kicked her limp body and laughed, a bitter, hollow laugh. "I love you Pocky," he said. "Too bad you're dead." Hops turned away and ran out of the palace.
He whistled and a gigantic squirrel came. He jumped onto its back and it hopped away into the sunset.
Love Letters
My dear Lotus,
I miss you with a fiery passion. I cannot control my transports whenever I think of you. My heart aches when I remember that you are so far away. Wait for me, my sweet. I will be home soon, once this war ends.
Yours lovingly forever and ever,
Leather
Darling Leather,
I cannot wait to see you again. I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I miss the way you smile at me, the way you laugh, the way you talk, the way you do everything you do. Hurry home, my precious love.
All my love,
Lotus
My precious Lotus,
Oh how I cried when I received your letter. It was like a ray of sunshine in this dreary army camp. Today we will have to battle with the land of Scraemia. I will be fighting alongside sir Barrs, my comrade since young. I am afraid. Stay strong for me, honey pie.
With a billion kisses and a billion hugs to match,
Yours most ardently,
Leather
Dearest Leather,
I send you my treasured handkerchief to wish you luck. As you fight the battle think of me, my sugarplum. I will try my very best to stay strong. Send my regards to Sir Barrs.
I will be praying for you both.
Missing you.
Lotus
My dear Leather,
You have kept me waiting for what seemed like forever for your reply. I am terribly anxious and worried about you. Please write soon. I will be waiting. I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me and I love you dearly. My love for you grows stronger each day.
Yours perfervidly,
Lotus
Mademoiselle Lotus,
I am very sorry to tell you this but Sir Leather was brutally wounded in the battle, and he died shortly thereafter. Enclosed in this letter is a handkerchief I found in his vest. I think he would have liked for you to have it.
I am extremely sorry for your loss, and I hope that if you need a shoulder to cry on, know that I will always be ready for you. Just call for me and I shall be there. I just want you to know that I have always loved you, and if your heart is not ready to love again I completely understand, for I can wait as long as the sun and the moon still shine. So with all the love in my heart I ask you this: Will you be the bright and shining star to lead me home?
Yours,
Barrs
I miss you with a fiery passion. I cannot control my transports whenever I think of you. My heart aches when I remember that you are so far away. Wait for me, my sweet. I will be home soon, once this war ends.
Yours lovingly forever and ever,
Leather
Darling Leather,
I cannot wait to see you again. I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I miss the way you smile at me, the way you laugh, the way you talk, the way you do everything you do. Hurry home, my precious love.
All my love,
Lotus
My precious Lotus,
Oh how I cried when I received your letter. It was like a ray of sunshine in this dreary army camp. Today we will have to battle with the land of Scraemia. I will be fighting alongside sir Barrs, my comrade since young. I am afraid. Stay strong for me, honey pie.
With a billion kisses and a billion hugs to match,
Yours most ardently,
Leather
Dearest Leather,
I send you my treasured handkerchief to wish you luck. As you fight the battle think of me, my sugarplum. I will try my very best to stay strong. Send my regards to Sir Barrs.
I will be praying for you both.
Missing you.
Lotus
My dear Leather,
You have kept me waiting for what seemed like forever for your reply. I am terribly anxious and worried about you. Please write soon. I will be waiting. I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me and I love you dearly. My love for you grows stronger each day.
Yours perfervidly,
Lotus
Mademoiselle Lotus,
I am very sorry to tell you this but Sir Leather was brutally wounded in the battle, and he died shortly thereafter. Enclosed in this letter is a handkerchief I found in his vest. I think he would have liked for you to have it.
I am extremely sorry for your loss, and I hope that if you need a shoulder to cry on, know that I will always be ready for you. Just call for me and I shall be there. I just want you to know that I have always loved you, and if your heart is not ready to love again I completely understand, for I can wait as long as the sun and the moon still shine. So with all the love in my heart I ask you this: Will you be the bright and shining star to lead me home?
Yours,
Barrs
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